The Life and Death of A Good Toy

Several months ago while 'The Girls' and I were eating sushi at Yellow Fin, our new fave spot, the topic of toys came up.  And no friend, I am not referring to your kid's toys that you're constantly cleaning up off of the floor.  We're talking about sex toys here, people.  OF COURSE I brought up my old trusty Pocket Rocket that's been a staple in my night stand for umpteen-bazillion years.  Why wouldn't I?  It was actually a sad convo because my old pal had finally bit the dust some time back... but might I add that the champ waited until after I was 'done' to kick the bucket.  See!! What other toy would be so sweet as to wait until you were done? I bet yours is rude.  Anyway... I had a little moment of silence as I tossed it into the garbage (in the laundry room) to go fill up the local landfill (where all good toys go to die).  Some of the girls present at dinner that night had never had the chance to read my editorials on this particular toy or my rant on all toys in general.

After a long and very detailed description of the what, why, how (which I'm sure all the sexy employees were privy to)- we decided to go for a little shopping trip.  Big thanks to Doc Johns for staying open late enough that ladies out looking for a good time can swing by whenever the mood strikes them!  After looking at all of the cheap lingerie, leather studded paddles (Girls had just read Fifty Shades), and lube, we got to the wall I was looking for.  There it was!  So we ALL bought one that night (granted not all in the same color... which is important because Brooke thinks her black one is better than my white one)... $48 something later I walked out of the shop with my little black bag... anxious to get home and take it for a drive!
Let's just say that all was right once more in Casa De Mistress.  I promptly texted one of my buddies just to elaborate on how wonderful the experience was... of course... what else do YOU do after a good 'O'?

So let's skip forward a month or two to the next 'Girls Night' at the same lovely booth in the same lovely sushi spot.  Would you believe that the subject of toys came up again? (if you were asleep in the first paragraph that would be sex toys, you naughty monkey, you)  I know, you're shocked.  Contain yourself.  We had one or two different girls there with us and I am proud to announce that I didn't have to say one thing about my little Pocket Rocket because the other girls couldn't stop singing its praises! No Lie!!  We would all break out in fits of the giggles now and then because we were so excited to talk about how great the orgasms were with it!  I felt a little like I do after one of my minion does well on a math test or after I've changed some random fluid in my car...PROUD!  And also very excited that I could share something that made my friends happy.  Because no matter how naughty this Mistress might be now and then... I'm still just a down-to-earth kinda girl who wants to spread a little love...

Until next time...

Mistress Auri

A Good Old Fashioned Lovestory

Instead of Sponge Bob the other morning I opted for one of my old favorites. Bas Luhrmann's adaptation of William Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet. I used to watch that movie several times a week before I had kids but haven't watched it in some time for whatever reason...
guess I've been busy...
Anyway... they loved it. The imagery. The story. Everything.
They were constantly asking me why things were happening and what the characters meant by what they said (even in high school old English can be a little tricky to navigate and they're only 2,4 and 7). I was surprised how quickly they caught on.

I'm sure my parents would argue that it's a fairly violent version of Romeo and Juliet to introduce the kids to but I'd like to hear someone argue that it was a non-violent story!
Not the point of this post however...
The point was to find out what your favorite versions of the tale have been over the years?

Perhaps a play you saw? I'd love to hear about it.

Franco Zeffirelli's movie was the first version I saw as I'm sure is the case for most of you. I think it was after I moved to Salt Lake after living in Hollywood (mid 8th grade). The teacher was very nervous because we saw the actors ass. Oh no. I just though it was cool that they would show that in Utah. I was sure they would be so uptight compared to what I was used to... but I guess I was being a little judgmental (very rude, I know, I repented later that night).
I loved it then but it's been so many years since I've seen it. I actually have it on vinyl... I should pull it out and listen to the soundtrack. I remember it was amazing.

I think we also saw the Los Angeles Ballet perform it when I was younger. Although this is not a picture from that performance I would also love to hear if you enjoyed the ballet version of it more than the others and why.

The story has evolved for me over the years which is why I enjoy it so much. Each stage in life it seems as though you understand the characters in different ways and you begin to identify with various people from the story. Of course I'm sure I will always feel that surge of passion as they are falling in love because that's just the genius behind the writing... but I think you understand what I'm getting at.

Baz Luhrmann made Shakespeare accessible to everyone though and that is something not easily done. That's something that every English teacher, actor, director, ballerina, and joe schmoe has been trying to accomplish for a very long time now. I think I'm also biased because I happen to love every movie he's ever directed (yes, Strictly Ballroom too).

So... Romeo and Juliet. Watch it. Listen to it. Read it.



A little culture won't kill you.
(and if it does I don't know what to tell you... I'm sorry... that definitely wasn't my intent)

Hetero, Metro, Homo... Only Their Hair Stylist Knows For Sure!

I've been the daughter of a gay man my entire life (yes, my whole life... yes, his whole life... yes, even the 11 years my parents were married he should be considered bi at least) and so I think I've learned a little about the aura a gay man puts off. I'm not going to claim superior 'gaydar' here or anything... (okay, a little) but I will say that I used to be really good at this game.

About 5 years ago Ms. Salti and I started finding it very funny that my dad would comment that everyone was gay. Everyone. We'd see a hot new actor like Channing Tatum... "Oh he's so Gay, he's already talked to the mags, he's one of the boys." And just like that our nonexistent hopes were crushed. Damn. We started doubting his instincts a couple of years ago after everyone he mentioned started showing up with women left and right or married (not that that ever means someone is straight) and never a hint of a man anywhere. "Sure pops, right he's gay... whatever you say."

Time went on and the 'girls' (Odum is included as one of the girls seeing as he is a gay man and is adopted by a group of women and includes himself as one of the girls) took a trip to Vegas. Upon our arrival someone in the van felt the need to label a passerby on the way to the hotel as gay and I don't think it was Odum or I. I'm not saying their gaydar is less accurate (okay, yes I am... I know, rude... I still love them... but dammit I have to get something out of years of watching show tunes and being dressed up and sat in front of a camera!) but I would even hand over my tiara to Odum as the one who should be able to pick out a 'friend' (that's a friend of Dorothy for those of you unfamiliar with the gay reference).


Anyway... The rest of the trip we just decided that everyone and everything was gay. It was easier that way. The plane was gay because the wings tipped up at the end creating jazz wings, so obviously the plane was gay. That homeless man was wearing a pink sweatshirt so he was gay. That couple was holding hands in public (say it with me ) GAY. We had lots of fun.

So. Where is this going you ask? My dad and I are driving in the car the other day and he's talking about some dude at work the other day and how he was hot and then he says the words I've been waiting to hear my entire life:

"I can't tell whether they're gay or straight anymore! All the gay boys want to look straight. All the straight boys want to look gay. Who the hell knows!"

Well slap my ass and call me Shirley. He finally said it! There ya go folks. The king of gaydar has given up his tiara.

Good for him!

Have fun making them wonder... that's what I say;-) So, as his loyal subject I am going to give up my eternal quest to label people as well and leave the mystery to their stylist.

Because you know...

Hetero, Metro, Homo... Only Their Hair Stylist Knows For Sure!

I dig my cool kids and their kick ass names

I'm rarely the one who posts about my kids. It's usually Ms. Salti or my dad. But I thought I'd give you a little interesting history on their names. Plenty to find on Tristan and Aidan but once history got around to Taryn it appears every culture just grabbed hold and made up a definition of their own. Which oddly enough describes her moods exactly. Good for her I say!

• S: (n) Tristan, Tristram ((Middle Ages) the nephew of the king of Cornwall who (according to legend) fell in love with his uncle's bride (Iseult) after they mistakenly drank a love potion that left them eternally in love with each other)
• Tristan is a 1903 novella by German writer Thomas Mann. It contains many references to the myth of Tristan and Iseult. The novella alludes in particular to the version presented in Richard Wagner's opera of the same name. As such, it can be seen as an ironic paraphrase, juxtaposing the romantic heroism of Wagner's characters with their essentially flawed counterparts in the novella^{[citation needed]}. It also heavily deals with psychology and a major part of the novel is set in a sanatorium and details the lives of two people who are patients at the sanatorium.
• Tristan is a six-movement orchestral work by the German composer Hans Werner Henze.

• Tristan or Tristram is a given name of Celtic origin. It is derived from the Brythonic name Drust or Drustanus, and became popularized through the character of Tristan, one of the Knights of the Round Table in Arthurian legend. The modern form is most likely influenced by the Latin word tristis, meaning "sad" or "sorrowful".

• Anglicized form of Irish saints' name Aodhán, diminutive of Aodh "fire", name of a Celtic sun god.

• Aidan is a Gaelic name, a diminutive of Aodh and usually translated into English as "the little fiery one" or similar. Formerly common only in Ireland, the name (together with variants) has become extremely popular in the United Kingdom and United States of America. Aidan is currently the 54th most popular name in the United States since the start of the year 2000 (damn them... I named him first!! of course).
  

(subsequently he is absolutely a fiery one... as is the other one we know... I blame it on the name)

• Taryn- Russian term for frozen ground that lasts for more than one season.
• Blend of Tara with Erin, Karen, Terry and the male name Darren.
• Tender/Innocent in Scots-Gaelic
• Rocky Hill in Irish-Gaelic
• Thunder in Norse Celtic
• Of the Earth in Latin
• The Reaper in Greek
• Wild goat in Hebrew

etc. etc. etc. (I kid you not, there's a different definition for every culture and region... I thought I'd stop here).

Thanks to Wikipedia and a couple of other definition sites on google for this post. I'm not patient enough to come up with this on my own... ctrl-V and ctrl-C are my life blood.

Do you all like how I slipped in cute pix of my kids and made it seem like I was being educational at the same time? I'm tricky like that...

And if you're new to my blog... yes, I often switch from topics like dildos one post to children the next... and everything in between... it's just how we roll round these parts.