Indulge me...

I warned you all... told you I was a fan... but you didn't listen.

(and btw... I fixed the link... this is the full trailer)

~love at first peek~

Once upon a time there were two little pink pouches. Soft and silky in nature. Quiet, reserved, yet they knew somehow that they were drawn to each other like pen to paper. They would talk endlessly, day after day, but remained in their pouches because they were shy. They had never played with anyone else.

Until one day...

They were chatting away and decided to peek their heads out to say hi. What could it hurt? Just a peek. Just a 'hi'. After all, they'd spent so much time getting closer and they had no idea up to this point what the other looked like. So... finally... they stretched their hard, smooth, glass heads upward toward the light of day and out toward the unknown of this other person they had gotten to know and realized that they were not so different after all.

It was love...

At first peek...

It wasn't all at once but over the next little while they shed their pretty pink covers and sat side-by-side examining their similarities and delighting in their differences. Sure one had hearts here and the other had stripes there... but were their purposes really all that different? On the inside, elementally, weren't they really both, the same?

And so they fell.

Stripe for stripe. Heart for heart. They promised never to return to the 'Life of the Pouch' again.
No matter what.

The End.

Mistress Auri

Michael Franti- All I Want Is You

(before you click play push pause on my playlist off to the right)

You didn't think I'd forgotten about Michael Franti did you? There are so many great versions of each song on the web but not all of the sound quality is that great so I decided to stick with the original on this one. I want you to know this is the last thing I'm watching tonight before bed...

Sweet dreams

(as the saying goes)

xoxo

London is more than just a pin on the map tonight...

I love that this is the first thing I get to see of a person's new baby before anyone else. As that new little person is making their way down into our world they start out with a fairly clean slate. I tickle their head to let them know that there's someone out there on the other end to catch them on their way out.

Today I got to take care of an amazing couple. They were so sweet to each other but more than that they were fun and interesting to be around as well. We hit it off at once and had a great day! Luckily I was able to be there until their daughter London was born just before 7pm.

People like that reaffirm for me that having a baby in a world like this can still, possibly, be the right thing to do now and then. I know they will have hard times and moments when they'll wonder why they chose to have kids. But I also know that they'll also always love their daughter. They'll raise her to see the beauty in others and in the world around them.

Today also reminded me why I love doing what I do. Why I love taking care of people and teaching them. How much I enjoy connecting with people instantly if they're willing to allow me in to their most vulnerable and intimate moments.

See... not all of me is crass=) There's a soft underbelly as well. But then again... most of you probably know that.

Happy Birthday London.

The Amazing, Tantalizing, Infuriating, Liberating, Vibrating, Flying Dildo... (as promised)

Okay... so I'm just warning you before you start this one... this is a true 'Mistress Auri' type of post. You'll be hearing lots of grown up words (as we call them in our house) and experiencing a very personal story from yours truly.

Duh.

Now that that's out of the way!
LET'S GET ON WITH THE GOOD SHIT!

You need a little history to appreciate my husband and I in the bedroom. We have a great sex life. My interests have changed over the years as far as foreplay are concerned but I've always remained open with him and communicated what I've needed
You should be impressed...

So... the only time I like him using his fingers for a little pre game warm up are when a) I'm drunk or b) I'm already warmed up. He knows this!

So... I wake up to him asking me to take the oldest to school because he's tired (and I'm not apparently)... okay fine... I'll be good because I want sex.
I come home and he's still sleeping (although in his defense he has folded a load of laundry in my absence...good man).

I climb into bed and the two youngest come down and knock on the door because they're hungry (I am slowly getting less and less interested in sex)

I get up from bed and figure I'll give them food... after all, that will buy us and extra 10 minutes and that means we may get to start of with a little oral sex for me... which is a fab way to start off the morning! (but again... why haven't they eaten in my absence? another unanswered question.)

Kids fed... but then my annoying female brain notices that the washing machine isn't going (I know... believe me... I'm annoying myself by now) and I start to get a little irritated that hubby didn't throw a load in when he took the other load out... because...

DUH...

THAT'S WHAT I WOULD HAVE DONE!

on to the dildo part...

I get back into bed... slip out of the robe. He's out of his clothes now too and what does he do?! He sticks his hand right between my legs! SORRY! I'm just not a light switch... I have more than two functions!

So I pull away a bit and he gets pissed off. He asks what I want (so thoughtful of him!)... to which I gracefully reply with the tone of a trucker in heat...
"get on top of me"

Well apparently that's when the shit hit the fan folks! Because at that moment... He jumped up out of bed and stormed off into the closet.

WHAT THE FUCK?!

Sitting there naked contemplating what just happened...
out of nowhere...

a large, flesh colored, veiny, supple, dildo comes flying out of the walk-in closet towards me on the bed narrowly missing my head as my husband is exclaiming
"Here! Use this! It's obvious you just want a dick to rub up against anyway!"

Well excuse the flying (dildo) fuck out of me!! I gathered the sheets up around me... slightly amused (thought I'd never admit that to him), horrified, pissed beyond recognition, and grabbed the very perfect (yes ladies... very perfect) dildo firmly in my right hand, gripped tightly and screamed and the top of my lungs... "That was rude! Don't you ever fucking do that again!" And with an extra squeeze to my good buddy whom I don't normally throw anywhere... I tossed that sonofabitch back into the closet with the intention of seriously maiming anyone/thing that it came in contact with. I'm sure that I'll be getting a call from the fast pitch coach any day now... they had to have heard that pitch at least 50 miles away.

Well... what came after is neither very exciting... nor really any of your business...
(yet somehow that all was... )
Suffice it to say that I am sitting here with my fab hubby writing this and I told him that I would be.
He though it was a lovely idea...

To bring the story back around. I went back in the closet later that day to collect my large friend and put him back in his house... couldn't find him. Didn't feel like asking hubby where he was yet. Oh well... I'd find him someday (or someone would...)

YAH...

YESTERDAY!
Sitting there folding laundry on the bed with the entire family... my middle guy, Aidan, comes walking up to the bed from the closet holding what?

OH LORD... NO... PLEASE...

Yes... just when you thought the story couldn't get any worse. He found it. He was swinging it around. He's like "what's this guys"... with a completely straight face my hub was like "it's a fake penis... what's it look like."

Now he won't stop asking about the thing. I paid $70 god damned for that thing and now after one awful week of bad luck with it I don't think I'll touch it again...

I need a nap

And maybe some Xanax

Ra Ra Rosie, aka 'Off with the Pantyhose', aka not the flying dildo story...yet

Oh my Gawwwd I'm tired! I can have the best day at work but as long as that last 2 hours out of 12 is busy... the whole God Loving day is crazy as far as I'm concerned.
(just in case you were wondering...)
(because I know as a concerned reader you were)

Whew!

Can't wait to wake up at 0600... along with the birdies... (because they're up at the butt crack o' dawn these days) and start it all over again. Babies to be born... prego ladies to be triaged.

So. Why Rosie you ask?
(and yes... that's Rosie the Riveter... just Norman Rockwell's version)

Why not!

Because as I was sitting on the pot... where I have many of my fabulous thoughts... as I am sometimes alone and can actually have a silent thought for myself without interruption...
most of us women are kind of the embodiment of Rosie these days. We dig work. We may bitch and moan that we'd rather not work... or work less. But there's something kind of gratifying in a lot of the work that we do.

Okay... I might not reach everyone here. And I'm still absolutely butt ass crazy jealous of my sister in law who somehow gets to stay home with her 1 child! YES, 1, child. I'm trying to be happy for her. But underneath I wonder why I'm jealous...I don't want to stay home!
It's hard work!
Rosie had it right man... throw away the pantyhose...
okay... there's obviously a happy medium here. I'd rather not be working 36-40 hours a week... but there are a lot more people in this country working a hell of a lot more hours than that with more kids than me.
Anyway...
I have fun at work when I feel like I'm getting all of my shit done. When you've constantly got this looming feeling of impending doom and litigation over your head you get a bit OCD when it comes to charting and policies. I think that's where the terms 'work Auri' and 'play Auri' came about... because I'd rather be digging in the dirt at home and I have to compartmentalize the 'crazy' me that work brings out.

So... you all are wondering where the flying dildo story is aren't you?!

Hmmm... I'm wondering if that deserves its own post...
tomorrow...=)
xoxo
aurs

Craig... You're a funny, funny man!

Just a warning... if you have a week bladder or a dodgy heart... think twice. I almost peed my pants and I'm still having palpitations.

Fucking Fab (They're referring to me in case you were wondering)

Thanks Ms. Salti! Okay... so I really do like getting bloggy awards... who doesn't. I guess for this one I need to list 5 things I'm obsessed with. And although I've just said I'm not obsessed with anything I guess technically that's not true...
Here we go...

The Naughty Monkies... Did you know that every time Taryn gets her hair washed now she wants me to take a picture. The child is a star. Too bad Hollywood is so far away... or too good depending on your views on child actors. I'm obsessed with my kids. They give me crazy anxiety but I can't imagine life without them. They're crazy cool. I love 'em!

Yes... I am a Twilight Fan. And yes, I just capitalized fan... deal. Very, very, very excited for the movie to come out. I don't know if I'll put up with the midnight screaming teenage girl crowds the night it comes out. But I will definitely go to see it at least once in the theater=) And I'm with Ms. Salti... the book was much better the second time through when you weren't rushing through to get to the end!

You could say I'm obsessed with my hubby. In a very healthy most of the time/ unhealthy once in a while sort of way. Hey, we're not all perfect! We do try. Even when we're having a rough time I miss him when he's not around. I crave his company and his touch.

Two more things... this is harder than I though and I don't have any more visual aids...
(will they continue reading?)

AHA!
Thanks to the miracle of modern technology I can now show you my next obsession...
Ms. Salti. I know. Some of you who are new to our little world might think that's a really strange thing to say. But let's put it this way... she's my other other half, my heterosexual life partner (HLP) so duh! of course I'm obsessed. I just consider myself lucky to get the things I'm obsessed with.

And last but not least...

My crackberry...
yes, the damned dirty ape. Just kidding booboo kitty shitz. Mommy loves you. Even though I drop you every time I get out of the car. I know! Grr! What did I do before texting?! Who knows. Love the crackberry... If you don't have one I'm just warning you now... they're a pain in the ass to get used to but once you do...

YOU WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN!

Deer Cupcake Award

The Rules:
Respond and rework.
Answer the questions on your blog, replace one question you dislike with a question of your own invention, and add one additional question.

What is your current obsession? I think I'm getting rid of this question because I'm so lame right now that I don't feel like I'm obsessed with anything cool or worthy of being obsessed with.

Where are you right now? I am sitting on the love seat in my front room with my feet propped up on a pillow, several pillows behind my back, in Salt Lake City, Utah in the US (specific enough?)

Do you nap a lot? I take offense to this =) I used to nap a lot! I nap more than Erica and less than my almost 3 year old. I love naps... mmmm... it's the Leo in me.

What's one of your favorite movies? Mystery, Alaska will always be one of my favorite movies. Although you all have to realize that I have at least a hundred 'favorite' movies depending on the genre and the day. If you haven't seen Mystery, Alaska it's great.

What's one thing you're looking forward to? Being out of debt. I know there will be some form of debt around at one point or another... but the kind of debt we're in now is just unhealthy. It could be much worse though... I'm being positive (small voice in head is sinking)

Who was your childhood crush? Childhood Crush? Or first love... kind of the same thing for me... James Jones. Still good friends with the fam.

What is your current favorite Song? All American Rejects "The Wind Blows"... it's on the playlist on my blog if you want to check it out. I love it. Not often I fall head over heels for a song the first time I hear it but I definitely fell hard for this one. Like "Come Undone" by Duran Duran... same kind of thing!

What would you like to get rid of? Can't be redundant or I would say my debt... so I guess I would say the distance between my mom and I. We've always been in the same city and now she lives 11 hours away! Too Far! A girl needs her mother... especially this girl...

What in life are you waiting on? I think I'm waiting on life to get easier. I'm constantly thankful for what I have but I always find myself wondering when things are going to ease up a bit. It's a never ending wave these days. But like I said earlier... it could be worse!

What is your favorite thing to do on a weekend night? Toes with Tata (aka Ms. Salti) =) Especially if we have ice cream at cold stone and do toes!

Why did you start your blog? I used to write a lot before I had kids. Before I started blogging I started feeling like I had lost a lot of my creative drive with writing, music, etc. and I felt like blogging was a good way to express that again. A positive outlet for me as well as a way to get feedback from my friends.

If money was not an issue, what is one thing you would purchase for yourself? An Island resort (hey, money's not an issue, right)

What is your best feature? I like my eyes. Always have. No matter how I feel about the rest of me... I'm always having a good eye day=)

I'm Not Dead! Just Distracted...

Hello lovelies... Just a quick note to let you know I'm working on a couple of things... I've lifted my ban on blog awards because Ms. Salti was cool enough to give me a couple (and I guess I really do want to win the popularity contest)... I'll take pics of the veggie garden and tell you all about that... oh and I have a fabulous (very personal) story about a flying dildo and tears. So, there you have it.

Stay tuned

And yes...

I will catch up on every single post I've missed on your blogs... I know I'm a bad dog...

Aw Shucks! I'm Adorable!

The ♥Adorable♥ Blog Award Rules:

♥Include the award logo in your blog or post.

♥Nominate as many blogs as you like.

♥Be sure to link to your nominees within your post.

♥Let them know that they have received this award by commenting on their blog.

♥Share the l♥ve and link to this post and to the person from whom you received your award.

First I just want to say thanks to my best bud Erica for resurrecting me from the blog award cemetery. That was sure nice of you;) I'm glad you think my blog is adorable! I probably wouldn't have the motivation to start one if it wasn't for you! So, in turn I'm nominating a couple of fab people...

Jana Waddoups with her great new blog "The Waddoups Family" all about her cute little family and the adventures of being a new mom.

Petra over at The Wise Young Mommy because she is just crazy adorable and I love reading her posts!

And I think that's about it for now...

And by the way... you should all be super impressed that I learned how to link... hopefully it worked;)

Online Dating...

After the dickhead that Ms. Salti just had to put up with I don't know how those of you out there do it... online dating...

Man... I thought old fashion dating was hard...

If you haven't heard the story yet... go read it.
Anyway, there are creeps everywhere. Men. Women. Doesn't matter. I think being a creep is an equal opportunity type of thing. Maybe because I think I've been on both sides of the coin. I wasn't ever one just for fun. But I was definitely a tease back when I didn't realize it wasn't a very nice thing to do.

I was confused. Sue me.

And maybe picking people up in a bar or in person is just as tough for some people as online dating is? I don't know... I tend to have a better sense for what people are going to be like in person. Whether I chose to listen to that sense or not was a different matter. Sometimes they were just too hot...
or their lips were too kissable...
or they had bedroom eyes...
or they smelled really good...

(is it hot in here?)

I digress...
Anyway... I'm getting frustrated for Erica. And I'm getting more than a little pissed off at the male population that seems to be lurking on these online dating sites. I'm sure there are plenty of great guys on them too... but for some reason she's getting more than her fare share of the assholes.
So how do all of those happy couples on the commercials meet? Do they have rules on the sites? Can you submit complaints when they keep sending you people that don't 'match' you? I don't know... all seems a little sketchy...
And... THEY'RE FREAKING EXPENSIVE! Wow! Why didn't I think of that idea first? Maybe I'll suggest she do that dinner thing.
At least she'd get a nice meal out of the thing.
Hmmm... wait a minute...

the wheels are turning...

maybe I'll start a dating service? A sex toy party/dinner dating service. Doesn't that sound like fun?
Yah, come to a nice restaurant for a great dinner. Be entertained by moi (and hubby) who would be selling toys... maybe... at some dinners, at others maybe we just do wine tastings... then get to meet new people.
AND... we would have people there who would all be compatible with each other in several ways.
Hmmm... could work.
Don't steal my idea. When I'm tired of nursing I might just do it=)
Well... I'm rambling now... good luck to my single friends out there. I love you all.
aurs

Just a little of this and a little of that

I woke up the other morning to another soggy carpet. I know... this time I just laughed and thought "okay... what this time." It was the sump pump that keeps the ground water from flooding our basement. And apparently after asking it to run consistently for almost two months now it decided to blow a seal and go kaput... yes, that's the technical term for what happened to it. Just in case you were curious.
So...
Yours truly went to Home Depot to return the one that dear hubby had purchased earlier to get a smaller and more expensive one that would replace the dearly departed pump. One more trip to HD later and I had the pump ready to go. Thought I had tightened everything that hubby had loosened when he took the old pump off... thought... anyway, plug the new beauty in and a couple of seconds later gallons of oily water are spraying all over the laundry room. All over me.
Freaking awesome.
I'm silently screaming in my head.
I'm not going to kill anyone.
I will survive... (channeling a higher power)
Okay... unplug the pump, clean up the GD effing laundry for the 5,000th time this month and tighten all the screws I can find. Try again.
SUCCESS!
So there you go... $200 later and another life story and I have a working sump pump to keep my basement from flooding. Life is restored for another 5 minutes.

No word yet from the radiologist about Taryn's arm... hopefully today...
Gotta go... kids are occupied and hubby calls=)
WOOHOO!!
xoxo

and just in case you're wondering...no, I've never had my undies fall down... on accident;) tee hee hee

I broke my arm and all I got was this lousy splint!

I'm sitting here on the love-seat at 1100 this morning just browsing the web and the kids start their favorite activity of stair sledding, aka sleeping bag derby, aka the death slide. They get in a rayon mummy bag and slide down the stairs. They have a blast and I'm trying not to be overbearing so I let them do it. Anyway Taryn takes a turn and as soon as she gets to the bottom she starts crying.
She seemed pretty sincere so I held onto her for a while until she was ready for a nap and thought she would either sleep it off or wake up still in pain...
Yah, she woke up wailing so we went to the KidsCare.
Now she has a sassy splint and we'll have to wait until tomorrow for the radiologist to read the x-rays and determine whether or not it's broken.

Well... all in all she was pretty good for the staff. Aidan kept telling the nurse about his 'nuts' (lord, what did I do?) but Taryn just sat there like a champ while they made her splint. She's mostly smiles now. A little sleepy (but then again I'm a little sleepy too).
We'll see what tomorrow brings...

Two Tasty Treats...

After a long and fabulous day at work yesterday Ms. Salti picked me up and after getting changed we went to get Noelle and headed out to dinner. We weren't sure where we wanted to go so they both suggested Settebella downtown... a new Italian pizza spot... and good lord! Wow... I'm having a hard time coming up with adjectives worthy to describe how good it was.
The place is cute. Small and joined with a gelateria next door. We started out with a simple but delicious mixed green salad with balsamic and olive oil. Then had their margherita pizza. The pizza tasted exactly like this little spot my dad and I used to go by the place we stayed in Rome. Very good. The gelato was good. I'm a bit glutenous when it comes to gelato. I want mine packed with enough cream that it sticks to the roof of my mouth for an hour after. This was probably a little on the healthier side... ho hum=(
Anyway... I didn't think I'd be able to move after that. Did I mention we shared a bottle of delicious Pinot Noir? Yah... then my cute hubby was feeling frisky when I got home. I wasn't sure how that would work seeing how I felt 5 month pregnant with a pizza baby... but somehow we managed=)

This morning while the kids were waiting for Sponge Bob to come on I turned the channel to VH1 because out of some miracle they were actually playing music. After the top 20 there was this show called Free Radio. Apparently it's been on for a little bit but it's absolutely hilarious! It's a bit of a mix between improv and real interviews with all of these guest stars that they have on and then there's somewhat of a scripted cast that fills in the rest of the show.
All of the full episodes are on VH1 online... seriously... go check a few out. Very clever. I like the female host on the show. She kind of reminds me of a brunette Bonnie Hunt.

So those are my two tasty treats for the day... a new restaurant and a new show. See why I don't watch TV anymore!? I always get hooked to something when I do watch. Best if I just stick to my books!
By the way... am loving Darkly Dreaming Dexter! The show has apparently done an excellent job of sticking to the book because they are very similar. I enjoy reading it though... I look at it like a special feature. Anyway... for those of you that enjoy the darker side of humor... it's a must read! If you're one of those people that thinks the movie always ruins the book though... go watch a few episodes of Dexter first so that you can appreciate just how brilliant the show is... then go read the book;)
Oh and have I mentioned that my inner teenager is having Twilight withdrawals? I know... you can laugh if you want to... I'll only cry later when I'm trying to fall asleep...
Oh, one more thing. I still haven't freaking put my vegetable garden together and mother's day is coming up!! A clone is sounding more desirable all the time.