Good lord it's hot outside

Oy Vey,
Did I spell that correctly? Let's hope so lest I piss someone off. Life is just about too crazy to try and sum up these days. Yes folks, the mistress is having one hell of a shit storm. But that's what life is right? Right!

So, not going to cry about it at the moment. Just going to sit here and blog about this and that. Like the fact that this idiotic tab key is refusing to cooperate unless I pound the ever-living-love out of it. It's like it wants to be beaten. Not that there's anything wrong with that. If you're a PERSON. But this is an expensive piece of equipment and I prefer not to beat it into submission. Catch my drift?

The garden is at least twice the size of last year. And you know how my attention wained last year round this time. Well... the garden is my happy place. I wander around the veggies and the fruit and I train the tender vines and somehow life has order and all is right in the world. And for a couple of hours each day I can breath and be calm. It's some pretty therapeutic shit... I'm telling you. Don't have time for therapy? Get yourself a garden. Unless of course you hate getting dirty, can't stand bugs, or have issues with prickly things. Then you'd pretty much suck at the whole gardening thing.

The baby business is going. We have our busy days as this is definitely our busy time of year. But we are a business after all and somehow beautiful things always have to be turned into businesses. Can you understand what I'm saying here? Let's just say that some days my work haven stresses me out to no end. But... I guess the rest of you are rolling your eyes and patting me on the back... telling me to join the club. No more bitching... it wears me out;)

My little monkey butts are getting so big! Taryn just had her 4th birthday! Can you believe it? My youngest is 4! My oldest will be in 3rd grade this year and my middle guy will be in kindergarten. Kind of crazy to see how quickly they're all coming in to their own. It's very rewarding these days. I've started writing down some of the more insane things that come out of their mouths... for example "No testicles for dinner tonight"... that's one of my personal favorites. As if we've every had testicles for dinner! Now liver, hearts, and giblets are one thing... but TESTICLES... that's just cruel;)

For those of you who keep up with miss Salti's blog she's better about writing about my life and the kids than I am. Then again that pretty much sums up our entire life/friendship together=) It's a handy thing.

Alright then you crazy beautiful people. Be good to each other. I know you won't do it because you misbehave constantly but before you go to bed I want to you think of 5 things you're thankful for.

If you feel inclined leave me a comment and let me know what they are=)
Auri

Random Shit For Your Entertainment

This picture is from the Muse/ Silver Sun Pickups concert that we went to last night. Oooh, so good!! I've been a fan of both for a little while now and I have to say I was blown away by the show!! If you get the chance to go... doooit!!

I don't watch the news... and no, it's not because I'm an ignorant American... it's because it's fucking sad as shit. Seriously. I get enough of the news from my hubby (History prof. in the making) and my facebook updates from Huffington Post. I was pretty saddened to hear of yet another mine explosion taking more lives needlessly. We made it to the moon... why in god's name can't we figure out how to live on some other type of energy economically? Why? Because of rich, balding bastards... that's why. And yes, that's my official stand.

Speaking of that... I decided to get back into yoga today. Damn it was fantastic! All that breathing, stretching, and that gorgeous lean, black, muscly instructor we had. All I could think about was his fantastic ass and killer shoulders. I mean, all I was thinking about was my inner chi and outer karma, and worldly dharma... In all seriousness though, I bought myself a pass and can't wait to start going back on a regular basis. It's nice that my kids are finally to the point where I don't feel guilty leaving my hubby alone with them to have a little 'me' time. Something that doesn't involve the consumption of large quantities of alcohol or food. My core feels great, my once too tight yoga pants are falling off of my ass (smile) and life is good.

I think it's time to get my old 35 mm camera out of the drawer that houses such things as a Bible/Book of Mormon, Thomas Guide of Los Angeles, and my high school panoramic picture. Seems at this point the only thing of much use to me is the camera. Sure the Thomas Guide might come in use someday... the other stuff... well, always good props when you know who comes a callin'. =) Damn I'm being horribly sacrilegious today. Oh shwell.

I have a new recipe I need to write up for you lovelies. Cajun Shrimp and Cappellini... yummy, yummy. Like all of my own recipes I'll have to try my best to be detailed with amounts... but that's not how I cook so I'm counting on you not to fuck it up -k-.

I wish I had a darkroom. You know, those dark rooms people used to go into for the purpose of developing film. My senior year of high school I was a photographer for the year book and had an advanced photography class. Much time was spent in small corners of dark rooms for me. And not just because I was getting groped and sucking face. I was actually being productive. Although I have to admit that I still have steamy dreams about that red light accentuating certain curves of naughty deeds=) If you've never had the pleasure to be in a darkroom developing your own pictures you know that it's a spiritual experience. Watching the magic of creating a picture occurring in your hands transforms the way you look at photographs. Perhaps that's why people like Ansel Adams have the ability to mesmerize me. I've never looked at one of his prints and wondered what it looks like in color. All the contrast I could ever want exists on that paper. Every detail, all the smooth subtlety of each crevice and bending tree. See... I'm wrapped up already.

Good gracious... it's 7:12 already! Apparently the snow has decided to take a break for a few because the sun is shining and it's time for me to get my kidlets ready for bed.

Hey, by the way, your mother called and says she wants her massager back. Looks like it's time to go out and buy one of your own=)

xoxo
Me

Yes... that's my ass next to Robert Pattinson

Howdy Chowdy...

What's been going on lately? Yes, you... no answer? You mean you want me to ramble on aimlessly about what I'VE been doing?

Well ok... if you insist=)
So I've taken up photography (again) with film. "Mistress," you ask "what in the name of all that is holy... is film?" To which I reply that you are lovely dear but a complete ignoramus if you can't remember what that gold within the canister is. Are you so techno savvy that you don't remember where it is you came from? Shame! Well, anyway... yes, I've been taking lots and lots of pictures lately. If you're good monkeys I will develop (that's how you turn the canister into pictures) my little jewels and share them with you all. Because I'm sure you'll be very entertained=)

I've been preparing my garden for planting. Living in the land of the Salty Lake means that I have to wait for a bit to get started on my planting... but never fear... the harvest was plentiful last year and I'm doubling my gardening area this year so I'm sure I'll have plenty for you all to come over and eat some night. I know you're sooo excited...

My endeavors as the sex therapist of Labor and Delivery have expanded. I've decided to host a 'Slumber Party' with a nursie friend of mine at the end of April. And no, not the "bras and panties and pillows" kind of slumber party; this is the adult toy party type of gig. I thought it would be a blast to do that with all of my work friends... why not? You can come as my guest if you'd like... because I'm a good Mistress like that.

My brief but torrid affair with FaceBook is slowly coming to a cruising altitude status. Perhaps I have some type of AADD? New, shiny things tend to distract me from my old faves. How the hell am I still married? (When window shopping is just so fun) What does this mean to you? Well, it means that perhaps I'll be back over here in the land of bloggy more. And won't that just be a lovely little cup o' tea for all of us? I miss my bloggy buddies like Gorilla Bananas, Red Whine, Condi's Hair, Cooking Asshole, and all the rest of ya's. Really! I do=) Are you touched yet? You should be!
I also feel a naughty short coming on. For those of you new to my world, a naughty short is what I call a hot and bothered type of short story. Just enough to leave you with goose bumps but definitely not worthy of my fave vamp novelist, J.R. Ward. Damn I love that woman. Anyone who can write like that, make me feel like this, and make a shitload of money doing it is alright by me. WHAT!? You haven't the foggiest who she is?! For shame!! Go, now and check her out. (You're not doing it... I'll remember that later.)

Perhaps after my little Toy Party I'll write a Toy Review? I promise this time I'll do a little homework before purchasing the toy. Unlike last time. Man, what a rookie mistake. Hey... I'm only human. I think I'll plan ahead on that one and take lots of pics to commemorate the party. Deal?

And on that note. I'm sitting here listening to "Since I've Been Loving You" (and I'm not telling you who sings it because you should know ) and looking at my empty bottle of Rogue's Hazelnut Brown Ale and I'm thinking that with all its ups and downs life is pretty damn good. My kids are feisty, independent, fiercely loyal, and loving... My dad is close by, talented, loving, and a wonderful grandpa, My husband drives me crazy, drives me wild, and drives me to drink but at least he drives me. So ya, things are pretty good. And as long as I have all of you who listen to me from time to time I think I might just be okay=)

Mwah!

Sleep tight...don't let the Mistress bite!

xoxo